My Opinion Over Yours

1. cheeks "eaten by spiders" costa
2. "Allen J. Brown" fl
3. I want to view some porn..
4. Vampire Bats starring Lucy Lawless
5. Ohio lotto kicker
6. Somalian pirating
7. otterbourg
8. "pobre nalga"
9. michael de lorenzo

I didn't make these up folks. You'd think there would plenty else coming up with #3 that you'd never get to mine. Why people are still doing #9 is perplexing. It must have been a search party his mother sent out or something.

Someone I work with volunteers at a local radio station. The station exists only on the internet as it sold its broadcasting rights a while back. It is an independent music radio station and like most stations of that format they have been taken off the air waves. http://www.woxy.com/ - that’s the station link. Check it out if you’d like to hear some relatively new and good music. The guy who volunteers there brings in CDs that he’s supposed to listen to as part of his job with them. He let someone else listen to a bunch and I made sure to pilfer through that stash and find anything I could like.

I almost gave up hope when out of pure listening frustration I picked an album I had no idea what to think of just by the cover. The band’s name is Rogue Wave and the album is named “Descended Like Vultures.” This is my attempt to claim that the music on that album s good. Bands like The Shins, Flaming Lips, and Death Cab for Cutie are garnering a huge amount of fame and Rogue Wave should definitely be considered a contemporary of those bands. Pulsating guitars, sweet sounding voices, and ambient noises are the most common ingredients used in their concoctions. They don’t do anything original but they don’t sound like a rip off either. It’s quality music and I’m sure some will find it amazing (with probably just as many finding it terrible). If you want to listen to something that’s both upbeat and relaxing at the same time give it a try. The band is at its best on songs like “10:1” Love’s Lost Guarantee” and “Are You On My Side” in case you need me to whittle it down for you. I'm just trying to relate some music I heard that might help you sift through the clutter, thats all.

My body must wonder which way I’m trying to go shape-wise. I spend more than enough in the gym after work to be considered someone who is trying to stay in shape. Still, I think I’m sending mixed messages every time I have lunch from Skyline. I’m a fan of their burritos; it’s about all I like from there. As I finished and looked down to my plate I noticed I could see something that seemed weird. Upon lifting the aforementioned finished plate I noticed that the grease from the chili had saturated not only the plate but my desk also and I could now see straight through to my shoes. My body must figure we’re going back to the fat old times we use to have around. In some sort of weird way I’m actually thankful for Skyline since eating it replaces the need to be a peeping tom, key someone’s car, or not go to church on Sundays in order to feel shameful.

In national headlines today you can find a vast amount of articles written on the new prescription drug benefits program. Since it is now taking effect many senior citizens are rushing to understand what to make out of all the new rules and requirements. In between all their doctor visits and hours musing over fruit ripeness it was very difficult for them to go over the rules before the program took effect. They were going to do it last month but then they forgot where the put their glasses and forgot why they were looking for their glasses soon after trying to look for them. Maybe if they had printed it in a larger font or provided a supplemental reading magnifying glass this wouldn’t have been a problem. You can’t expect seniors to remember everything, especially at their age and with all the worries they have.

Many of the articles you’ll find have a title like “Seniors Struggle To Grasp New Prescription Drug Benefits Program” or “New Drug Program Confusing for Elderly” or “Medicare drug plan puzzles Mainers.” These gems of journalistic originality and profoundness leads me to ask when have the combination of elderly people and new (you can add Mainers to that also) ever resulted in anything but confusion and griping. Mind you elderly people react to 95% of all situations with griping but this is serious heartfelt griping since they’re being affected where it hurts- their drugs. People who take drugs, prescription or otherwise don’t like finding out the way they get their drugs are changing, and if you think all those old farts who earned the right to be doped up through years of breathing and avoiding death are just going to drop dead and let you take their drugs you’ve got another thing coming buster. They plan on keeping their drugs and dropping dead either way; screw the rules.

As for Mainers, well, they’ve been confused about almost everything except which is the best state to live in for six months out of the year. Refer to the profuse allegiance to mullets for evidence, it puts Kentucky to shame.

It snowed on my way back from getting the chili.

My apologies if my sister forced you to read this.

Now that I’ve returned from a quick trip to New York I wonder how boring and mundane this week will seem in comparison. Either way this feeling is not a negative one; if anything it frames the good times that passed. Before I left I wondered if I would come across anything that would be entertaining to relate here. I have to admit there was no single event or activity that can justify its own passage. The main result of my trip was several realizations, so I guess my trip in the end served some cosmic life altering purpose, if only a minute one. Among these mini-epiphanies were the revelations that I should think of certain people differently, not be afraid of trying to hold an interesting conversation with strangers, Brazilian steak houses can feed you for a week in a single sitting, and that I can no longer be considered a tourist when visiting New York.

That last one came to me when my sister did a really nice thing and acquired tickets to see the sunset from the top of the Rockefeller Plaza. The observatory deck of the Rockefeller building was recently opened after not being open to the public for 40 years. As you can imagine this has become another hotspot for tourists, although I doubt there are more than three spots that aren’t hot with tourists in all of Manhattan. Still, every once in a while you need to brave the tourist frenzy and experience some of the things that make the city a very unique place. While it would be very “New Yorker” like to avoid doing the things that tourists do it wouldn’t be prudent to turn down to the opportunity to experience something rare and stimulating.

I feel like I’m trying to justify myself. Screw that, it was an amazing view and I’m happy that my sister made it happen. The thing I wanted to talk about was how I could have done without all the tourists that accompanied us. From being cut in line, pushed, shoved, guffawed, and otherwise irritated by foreign tourists I was left wondering how it is that Americans have earned such a prolific reputation as the rudest people on the planet. Most likely this belief stems from the fact that all tourists are rude and since Americans probably have the means to travel more than most nations and do so that people just come to think that Americans are extremely rude when the case is that tourists are rude no matter where they come from. It makes sense for them to be rude also. They don’t need to worry about dealing with any of their surroundings after their brief stay and can move along merrily with their slash and burn tactics when it comes to their fellow man. Either way just remember tourists are shitty to deal with, but hey at least they’re paying a part of your taxes, so just take their money and try not spit at them.

In the end there is at least one person who wasn’t too happy I also visited NY. I don’t know him, but I know it’s a “him”. He doesn’t know who I am either or that it’s me he should be hate. You see I was getting off the elevator and I noticed that one of the doors on my sister’s floor had the keys hanging from the lock. Seeing the opportunity to be cast in the starring role of “The Good Samaritan of Park Avenue, I immediately tried to do something to help the dude out. At first I thought it would be easy and I knocked on the door. No one answered so I knocked some more and rang the dinky sounding doorbell. My sister said she knew him and that I should just open the door to get his attention.

When I opened the door I figured that there was no one inside or that he was doing what I was about to do (take a nap) b/c all of the lights off. So I threw the keys into the apartment and said “Hey you left your keys hanging in the lock.” I quickly closed the door so as to add to the weird dream I thought I was inducing in his slumbering mind.

A few minutes later after I had finished congratulating myself on being such a great guy I heard something that turned everything around. I was in the bathroom and I could hear people in the hallway. I could make out someone say “Awww fuck, where are my keys!” To much chagrin it seems as though the neighbor wasn’t inside when I did my act of kindness. Yeah, that’s right; I locked him out of his own apartment.

All This has reminded me of a lesson I learned a while ago. I used to save lessons I learned into my phone for quick reference but forgot about them after a while. The next lesson I’ll put in will probably be to not forget the lessons I’ve learned.

The lesson this story is referring to is that you should not touch other people’s things even if it helps them out. I learned this a couple years back when I noticed I had parked next to a friend’s car and that his doors were unlocked. No I don’t usually check if car doors are unlocked, even though I probably should, especially if it’s a cool new car I haven’t sat in yet. This instance was different b/c this friend had just moved out of his apartment and still had a lot of stuff in his car, like a computer and such. I thought I was doing a good thing by locking his car, but then thought about it again and decided to leave it unlocked in case he had left it like that on purpose. Either way I figured I would see him soon enough and let him know.

When I did let him know I realized that I should have never touched his car at all or mentioned the fact that his car was unlocked. The guy went off on me asking me who did I think I was to be going through his car (which I didn’t do) and if I had planned on stealing anything before realizing it was his car (no, but after he said that I felt as though I should). I don’t even think he was drunk, which would have partially excused his behavior. He went on for about 15 minutes with his yelling at and berating of yours truly.

Perhaps the real lesson was that when it comes to locks don’t help someone out. Let the lock be. Don’t touch it, don’t bring it up, and definitely don’t do anything that could be considered kind or helpful.

Outside of locking the guy out of his apartment I think I had a positive effect on the people of New York and they are all better off for having me in their presence. Yes, like anything else most won’t realize it but the fortunate ones who do will look forward to my return in, umm, well, I haven’t decided that yet but it should be soon.

Here’s for ending that story with a load of crap.

I also like to say that today is one of those days that remind me how life is all about balance. When the day started I received a call from my mother to inform that my cousin’s wife was pregnant with triplets. Making this news even better was the struggle they had gone through to get to this point. It made me extremely happy to hear that he had been blessed with three children after wanting one for so long. I haven’t felt this happy for someone else in a while. Now I just pray that he’ll soon have three healthy babies to cherish.

Not too long ago though my sister called me and let me know that a friend of her and her fiancé had passed away. He played on the same rugby team as my soon-to-be brother in law. During one of their games it seems he was impacted in a way that caused him to collapse and go into a coma. It was later found that he had a hole in his heart, and that the impact had perhaps just spurred what was inevitable. Sadly there will be no recovery for him.

Even though I never knew or met him he has reminded me that life is all about balance. The fact that life is precious and should never be taken for granted is something that I am also reminded of, but in today’s world we are constantly reminded of that fact. Now I pray that his family and friends can take something meaningful away from his passing and that w/e positive outcome there is from all this is what resonates most in their lives.

At least that’s what I remember my school doing throughout most of my elementary years. I probably passed through a couple grades before I realized what a smorgasbord was. At first I figured it to be some German or Eastern European dish which automatically led me to think t would be disgusting. This false assumption on my part also led to a bit of contemplation on how a school in Miami, with a predominantly Hispanic student body no less, could get away with serving some Euro-dish that sounded like a foot disease. It wasn’t until later that I realized what the word really meant- leftovers.

It was all just a glorified way of taking everything that hadn’t been cooked or served the previous four days and making a fifth day of lunch out of it. Like most kids I packed a lunch the majority of the time so it wasn’t like eating the same thing I had eaten the day before was really going to cramp my style.

My favorite thing to think about Friday smorgasbords is how they came up with the idea at my school. I’m sure they weren’t the first to do it either. The school’s board of directors probably met over budget issues for the fifteenth time one year to figure out how to save more money, and one guy probably thought he had the greatest idea when he brought up the smorgasbord concept. “We’ll only have to buy 4 days worth of lunch! Was probably his most convincing point. There after the entire board probably joined together in Mr. Burns like finger rapping as they basked in the glory of masking their budget cut with the façade of the Swedish word for a fish, eel, cheese, and egg buffet.

I actually had the same issue with “pot luck” dinners. I didn’t know what crazy American tradition that was, probably some lucky pot gathering. Either way I, being of Cuban descent, knew I’d never go to one.

So I’m bringing it back Florida Christian School style and making Friday’s here a smorgasbord. No not the fish buffet version but the other definition- a collection containing a variety of sorts of things. Wow, I didn’t realize how vague that definition was until copied it over.

Since we already started off with food I’ll let you all in on something I’ve been doing at work that probably leads some people to think I’m strange and others to believe I’m a godsend. Which side of the fence you fall depends a lot on how much you enjoy Mexican food and social interactions. My workplace isn’t any different than the majority of them in that there are some people there that would rather be by themselves with their work than spend time interacting with their coworker, but this isn’t about them. On Friday’s a few of us have made it a tradition to go eat Mexican food at a little place called Fontova’s. I mentioned going there one day while I was in training and then it got pushed back to a Friday, which then found 7 other people coming along to partake in burrito festivities. Almost immediately Friday’s became Fontova Friday’s and I made sure to do my best Mexican yelp and ethnic exclamations every time the two magic words were mentioned in my presence. If you could imagine Chairy from Pee Wee’s Playhouse being Mexican it would be what she would scream every time Pee Wee said the word of the day.

I also went on to make a flyer promoting Fontova Friday’s. These quickly became collectors’ items and the biggest Mexican food enthusiasts around the office can be identified by the presence of these flyers in their cubes. Each week I make a new one, but not this Friday. I feel I’ve done enough for Fontova already by talking about it here.

The people who work there are all Mexicans so I make sure to use my Spanish to my benefit when ever I’m there. I would say on average I pay $1.50 less than everyone else who goes with me for the same meal. It’s pretty obvious why I’m so enthusiastic about continuing to go. Still, the best Mexican food I ever had was in San Francisco.

In Superhero news we can still look towards Louisiana and Mississippi for some acts of bravery in vigilantism. That is where Karl “The Mailman” Malone is making a new name for himself. Many of you may remember Karl as part of the basketball-crime-fighting-duo: Stockton&Malone as part of the Utah Jazz professional basketball franchise. In their years together they came to exemplify the pick and roll and among other things- short shorts and Rogaine ads. These days though Karl is cleaning up the area that was demolished by Hurricane Katrina. Even though the federal government tried to stop Karl and his construction equipment (re: superhero arsenal) company from assisting in the reconstruction and relief effort The Mailman went ahead and did his best to restore life in the gulf. 115 condemned homes in Pascagoula, Mississippi were cleared by Malone with no one’s permission. Talk about seeing a problem and getting the job done. This country would be better off with more men like Malone- does the right thing even though no one asked him and has a killer jump shot.

Kudos, Mailman you have done your namesake well. Rain, sleet, snow, or red tape can’t stop you from delivering.

Most of our modern day heroes are the soldiers who fight in wars and keep the majority of us safe and free. It seems that someone in Florida felt the best way to honor the fallen men of valor and courage is by using their tombstones as a walkway outside their mobile home. Every time this person stepped outside their humble abode they were reminded that someone died so that they could walk barefoot to the back of their trailer without getting mud all over their feet. Those past wars may have been praised for preserving freedom but we should never take for granted the amount of ringworm that was avoided thanks to countless deaths in combat.

So far no one knows who these tombstones belong to. It has been two years so I’m going to post the names here to do my part to restore some of the dignity these men deserve even in death.

• Allen J. Brown, Army private, World War II, 1922-1993
• Steve Btewton (may be a typo), Army private, World War II, 3-19-1917 - 4-14-1984
• Clarence Dixon, Army corporal, World War II, 9-11-1912 - 2-11-1984
• Thomas Edison Hadley Jr., Army rank unknown, World War II, 10-7-1922 - 12-30-1980
• Isaac Samford Howell, private first class, branch unknown, World War II, 1907-1994
• J.C. Purifoy, Army corporal, Korea, 1930-1993
• James Singletary, Army rank and war unknown, 1878-1981

Have a great weekend! I’ll be in New York so hope and pray I run into some good material on my trip.

I did it, or rather I didn’t do it. I went the whole night without talking about the weather. Believe me the opportunity was there but I steered clear from it. I’m pretty sure the potential weather conversation was prefaced with “Man, I think it went from 55º to 75º in a few hours.” As soon as I heard that my mind raced to find something else to talk about while also hoping someone else would jump in and provide an escape route. It’s not like I haven’t been able to stay away from this type of convo before. Lord knows I grew up hearing the Miami equivalent of that phrase- “¡Coño que frio hace!”- for two weeks every year and never felt the urge to jump into that conversation. Either way I just want to take solace in the small victory I had in being able to talk about anything other than the weather.

I don’t talk much about terrorism but now I have something to wonder aloud about it so I might as well fill up some space. Communism lasted a long time and killed a lot of people but a select few were able to exploit the system to feed their personal greed. If there is no reward for being at the top of the Al-Qaida terrorist network other than being the most hunted after person in the world then when will it grow old? When will young Arabs look to their dead countrymen and then at their alive and successful countrymen and realize that they would rather live than die? They don’t believe in reincarnation so they have as much incentive to make this life as worthwhile as any. I’m guessing that the answer to this is that as long as there are people ignorant of the fact they are doing another man’s will and not the will of the god they believe in there will be people willing to kill themselves in the name of killing others. Obviously I can not relate.

When I mentioned suggestions on things to talk about yesterday I only had one response. It was from my sister, and it was the same suggestion she had made a day earlier on what I should write about. The topic- Pirates; the issue- their comeback. Since I have no problem appeasing my sister and I have little else to talk about here it goes.

Apparently if you’re looking to earn your way into the pirating business Somalia is the place to go. Since March there have been 27 reported pirate attacks off of the Somalian coast, and many believe that the majority of the attacks do not get reported for the fear of increased insurance premiums. Here is a quote from the Somalian program co-ordinator of the Kenyan Seafarers’ Association (which I would assume is a program only countries with pirate problems have): “"If you operate in these waters (off Somalia), you must operate as if you were operating in a war zone.”

Doesn’t really paint a pretty picture does it?

The first thing that comes to mind is to stay away from Somalia. I can do that I’ve kept away for this long. To be honest if I was a contestant on the game show “Where in the World Is Carmen Sandiego?” and made it to the final round Somalia would be one of the countries I wouldn’t know where to put that stick that lights up when you’ve placed it on top of the right country. In other words Carmen and those pirates are safe from yours truly ever finding them in Somalia.

Obviously the pirates will move to wherever there is stuff to steal is, or in their terms where the booty is. The first thing popping into my mind is the hope that BET has not gone international. If BET airs in Somalia it is only a matter of time before Queensbridge, Brooklyn, Miami, and Atlanta are attacked.

It seems though that cruise ships that must pass through Somalian waters already have a weapon to keep pirates at bay, literally. Some scientists, or weaponologists if you will, here in America seem to have read a little too much of the Odyssey in their spare time and have invented a Siren-like weapon that shoots a beam of ultra-high pitched sound which causes extreme pain. Now if you remember a while back I spoke about the death ray the U.S. Army had invented. The one that microwaves your insides until you move out of its way. Well the Greek mythology nerds did one better than the sci-fi nerds by making this sonic weapon. Like the death ray there are not a whole lot of details on how the thing works other than if you have a grenade launcher and I have a Super Sonic Master Blaster (patent pending) it is the equivalent of when you play rock, paper, scissors, and some asshole tries to get away with pulling out the dynamite. That’s how they play in Canada (click the link to see for yourself: http://www.netlaputa.ne.jp/~tokyo3/e/janken_e.html)

So what did you learn today?
1. It feels good to not talk about the weather
2. Terrorism should grow old by its 8th season
3. My sisters have somewhat of a say in the topics I write about
4. Pirates, much like the rhythm, are gonna get‘cha
And lastly:
5. Don’t play Rock, Paper, Scissors like a Canadian

O eh, o eh, o eh, o eh

O eh, oo aah, o eh, oo aah

Yah ya goh

O eh, o eh, o eh, o eh

O eh, oo aah, o eh, oo aah

O eh, o eh

Yah ya goh

The most talked about topic is the weather. At first you might think that you really don’t spend a great deal of time thinking about weather discussions, but if you actually reason it the whole idea makes sense. For instance there are probably 4 or 5 times a day you find yourself forced to speak to a familiar stranger, someone you see all the time but really know nothing about. Most people call these types of folk coworkers but that is a bit narrow-minded.

When ever I find myself stuck in an elevator with someone I can’t just ignore b/c I’m going to see him or her 5 more times that day I usually will bring up how cold or not cold it was that morning. I doubt that I’m doing this b/c I know that the weather is the most discussed topic, if anything I would keep away from it for that reason. It is just that this subject is such an easy one to talk about. We all have to deal with it and it is very hard for there to be huge disagreement over what the current weather is. Maybe it’s too cold for you or not cold enough for someone else but neither of those opinions changes the actual temperature.

I can’t just not say anything either. I’ve already learned that the anti-social person at work is the one who doesn’t like working here, therefore wants to work somewhere else and thusly won’t be promoted. The need to move up in the corporate world with the added void there is when referring to friends is motivation enough to be my most sociable self. Perhaps the thin line of being social and being diligently at work is a topic for another day, or I could just have gotten into sales or direct marketing and merged them both together. At least that way I would be motivated to fake it.

It isn’t like you can offend someone when referring to the weather outside of saying “No it’s actually very cold; you just can’t tell b/c you’re so fat,” but that’s bringing in a whole other topic all together. We can’t really blame the weather as being the offensive part of that statement now can we? More evidence of this is the fact there is no politically correct way to refer to weather patterns. This might be the only area that actually has not felt the wrath of over sensitive Americans and European immigrants.

Why am I still talking about the most talked about topic? It obviously doesn’t need to be written about anymore. This post is turning out to be like one of the Simpson episodes from the past (horrific) decade where the first 10 minutes do nothing but set up the conflict for the last 12 minutes.

Later on tonight I’ll most likely find myself among several familiar strangers. No I don’t work with any of them, but I really don’t know almost all of them. Actually I know one person; obviously it would be very strange if I just started hanging out with random strangers. I make sure there’s nothing random about the strangers I spend time with. That was a lesson re-taught to me this past weekend by the African-American version of the “Three Amigos” also known individually as Tommy Gun, Black Ice, and Fresh.

Either way I digress. What concerns me is that I won’t know what the hell to talk about in front of a bunch of people I hardly know. As much as I try to act like I don’t mind it, I really don’t like hanging out with people I don’t know. The thing is that I know it is the only way I’m going to meet anyone in this city. Tonight being one of those nights when I’m surrounded by people I don’t know in a social setting I tend to think about the uncertainty of it all or what some call awkwardness.

I'm sure all those years of being told not to talk to strangers has something to do with this petty insecurity.

I just hope I don’t end up talking about the weather. I’m sure it’ll be fine. I just needed something talk about and I didn’t want it to be TV related.

Oh and the semi-annual trip to New York is just a few days away. Perhaps some good material will come from that. If anyone knows anything new and cool to do in New York, or what cool kids call “the city,” please send your suggestions this way.

In Roman times there were the gladiators in the coliseum. During the renaissance crowds gathered around pits to watch beasts fight or maybe even beast vs. human. Still to this day this form of high brow entertainment exists in the form of cocks or dogs fighting for money they'll never see. That right there has a lot in common with a Don King promoted boxing match but I'll stay away from lumping boxing into this group. It seems to me that when one large group of people push towards a more sophisticated form of entertainment another swoops in and gives all of those who'd rather not push forward something to indulge in. Even Shakespeare with all his mind numbing verbiage and stimulating pentameter he still had to deal with pit fighting next door. The bestial competition even received promotion from the queen. The Roman times seem to be the exception since everyone found death to be great form of entertainment; it just had varying degrees vulgarity. Perhaps this is why the Dark Age followed its demise.
What is today’s form of sophisticated entertainment? There probably isn’t just one form of it. Most likely it is an entire landscape that includes many of its past forms, whether it is painting, sculpting, stage acting, or even at the lower end of the spectrum- blogging. Please don’t be confused and assume that interpretive dance should be lumped together with those aforementioned activities. So variety may be the most sophisticated form of entertainment these days.

On the opposite side of the spectrum it is much clearer. Like I mentioned already animal fights still exist but they are not a form of mass entertainment they function more as a way to weed out the bad people from society and to get them all in the same room. What sticks out as the most vulgar form of entertainment today is not Howard Stern or old Sam Kinison tapes but instead it is the Sunday movies brought to us by CBS.

It makes sense that at the time when people watch a wider variety of programming and no station or network can compare its ratings to those of the old days that CBS would be America’s most watched network. I’m not sure if that means it gets the highest ratings since there seems to be some doublespeak in there. Either way it is obvious why the masses are flocking to CBS above any other channel- the vulgarity. Don’t get me wrong there is little sex or foul language on CBS as the FCC has made sure of that. Yet what do we always trade in sex and foul language for at the decency bureau? Violence!

When it comes to violence CBS seems to be taken care of you on Sundays. For three straight weeks now America has had to endure the three worst made for TV movies ever. That’s right, each week; CBS ups the ante and gives us a new number 1. Here they are in reverse chronological and worst ever order:

Category 7
Vampire Bats
Walker, Texas Ranger: Trial By Fire

By only looking at who the headlining star of each these movies it is evident what level of quality the storytellers at CBS set out for from the start. Almost everyone knows Walker, Texas Ranger is none other than Chuck Norris. Great guy, but don’t get me wrong when I say you know exactly what you’re getting when he’s the main star- crap story and roundhouse kicks. Vampire Bats’ main star was none other than Lucy Lawless who most people don’t know outside of her portrayal of Xena, Warrior Princess. It is amazing to me that someone hasn’t scripted her and former WWE wrestler Chyna in a movie about crime fighting sisters yet. Lastly we have Gina Gershon at the helm of Category 7. So as to drive the steak of bad television further into the heart of America James Brolin and Shannon Doherty were cast in supporting roles.

If we are in television armageddon than Gina, Chuck, and Lucy are three of the four hoursemen. (Famine, War, and Plague repsctively)

Still just having those people in your movie doesn’t make it a terrible movie as always it comes down to the storytelling. I already mentioned what you get from Walker, Texas Ranger, where some bad guys in cowboy hats commit some crime and Chuck Norris shows up to do some roundhouse kicks and break some chairs over the heads of criminals.

Do I need to explain Vampire Bats? OK, there’s people who have blood and bats that want it. Instead of filing some papers with the Red Cross the bats choose to cut out the middle man and use their teeth as a way to get to that sweet human nectar. Maybe if bats had a more organized form of self governing or opposable thumbs they would have gone the Red Cross route. Blind or not Lucy Lawless wasn’t about to take the time to explain when she’s so damn good at kicking ass, mythical beast or not.

Category 7. What category? Oh you mean Hurricanes! Of course how could I forget, wasn’t there a whole city somewhere wiped away by one not too long ago? Good thing you mad a movie about it before I forgot everything I learned about Hurricanes as people died and lost their homes. Talk about striking when the iron is hot. A hurricane destroys the world, folks. That’s it. I just saved you 3 hours. You have to assume they were half assing it by choosing a weather pattern to destroy earth. At least Godzilla had some personality.

I guess just take this as a warning to not “flip through” and watch w/e if playing on CBS on Sunday nights. Definitely don’t go to work the next day bragging to your friends (soon to be former friends) about how great the movie you saw on CBS last night was. Please take my advice. It will probably shave 9 months off of your promotion if you stay away from that type of conversation. No need to thank me.

First things first, my friend James Partridge is trying to make money and you all can earn some free kudos by helping him out. No he isn’t a bum and either way I don’t promote bummage or hobory so you shouldn’t have assumed that. James is a musician at heart and a student by obligation. He’s entered a contest where he had to make a new version of a song that is featured in the soon to be released movie “Just Friends.” The song is called “Jaime Smiles” and I think James did a great job with the song, perhaps even better than the original. Actually after watching a preview of the movie it seems James’ version should have been the one the guy plays in the movie. I’m not just saying this b/c he’s a friend I’m saying it b/c he’s a friend who brought it up.

Check it out at: http://www.myspace.com/jimmywhisper
The real version can be found @:
http://www.myspace.com/http:/www.myspace.com/justfriendsmovie

He’s got other songs of his there. I won’t make you listen to those but I’m sure James would appreciate it either way. But he would appreciate more the $10,000 prize for winning the contest. So send a message to the movie’s site and tell them to pay James already. I allegedly get a free whiskey drink out of this, maybe two if I’m lucky.

So now to my life since that’s what I really care about.

I’ve recently discovered that a small canary has taken residence in the space bar of my keyboard at work. It must have happened during lunch or at night b/c I figure it would have taken about 10 – 15 minutes for the little bird to fix itself a home in such small quarters. You may be wondering how it is that yours truly found out that a bird nestled between in his spacebar. It was pretty simple actually. Every (tweet) time (tweet) I (tweet) finish (tweet) a (tweet) word (tweet) and (tweet) move (tweet) on (tweet) to (tweet) the (tweet) next (tweet) the (tweet) little (tweet) bird (tweet) speaks (tweet) up (tweet) and (tweet) tells (tweet) me (tweet) to (tweet) stop (tweet) pressing (tweet) on (tweet) his (tweet) roof.

In other news, I’ve taken up Pilates. Got to admit so far I don’t just like it I love it. I had tried to teach myself once before using a book and video. Going to a class is by far much better, obviously. I’ll post any updates regarding any transversal abdominal pulls due to spinal reticulation.

I’ve been really busy at work and wasn’t able to mention what it was like to go around last weekend dressed as Oates. Since it has been a while and that night isn’t all that easy to remember here are the top three notable things I remember about being Oates:

1. Girls were not afraid of my Perm-fro (could be b/c it was Halloween or b/c I was in Kentucky)

2. Some guy creeped the hell out of me out as he stared some girl dressed as Dr. Gonzo and then came to me and whispered to me that my moustache was way better. He upped the creepiness factor by then staring at the winning moustache.

3. I was given next year’s Halloween costume idea from a guy with no front teeth or as the call them here “an average Kentuckian,” when he said “I know who you are (burp). You’re Epstein from “Welcome Back Kotter!”

Have a great weekend!