My Opinion Over Yours

Long time fans of "The Daily Lorenzo" hearken back to a time of brooding and self loathing that was back then called "Philosophia Determinida." In those days I used to write much worse (can you believe it?) and I used to talk about work. Most of that job-talk had to do with how annoying I found my office mate. I doubt most will remember those posts but I'll try to find the link to them at some point.

What I am getting at here is that something about work is about to be written about.

For those who don't know I work at a marketing company, which means that occasionally I get to have the fun job of coming up with commercials. Sometimes they are for print, others for radio, and once in a while for television. The best part of television ads is that they cost a lot so that means that most of the ideas that you would be able to come up with are going to be rejected. Thankfully, most of the times they are rejected with gusto and an explanation of how your idea is terrible.

Right now we are working with Full Throttle, a new energy drink made by Coca Cola. The account manager for this product at Coca Cola had the bright idea of getting two ad agencies together to come up with a television commercial that will help the drink breakthrough the Red Bull domination.

The Coke representative went on to let the other ad agency come up with an ad and then told us we had to Hispanic-cize their ad. In the ad a guy is kidnapped, shaved, tattooed, beaten, and then humiliated. Why that ad works for this guy is beyond me. I haven't seen any research that says consumers of energy drinks are sadomasochistic.

The main problem I have with the ad is that you don't want to put kidnapping in a Hispanic ad. Abductions are huge problem in most Latin American countries and guess where most of the people who are watching Spanish language programming just came from. It is preposterous to imagine that being kidnapped and tortured are going to make you want to buy the product that makes that happen. You also have to wonder what kind of hardcore metrosexual makeover is this. Who shaves another guys face? Especially in a van, and while a guy is holding him down and another is tattooing his back.

The best part is that Full Throttle has much less of the ingredients that energized when compared to Red Bull, Monster, and Rockstar. Its more like a Soda with some pep to it. It does taste good though, especially if you like Mountain Dew.

Some people just don't get it.

Others do, like Franklin the Cordial Storm. It seems the hoopla I made over that storm coming was just that. It is now turning away, rescinding its plans to come to Florida in turn for better weather at Bermuda. Thank you pressure systems you have made my weekend more enjoyable already.

You know who else is going to get it? Those damn Iraqis. I say damn because they really do seem damned. Apparently the U.S. military has devised a "death ray" but thankfully have opted to set it to "stun". The device shoots microwaves at you and in five seconds you begin feeling tremendous pain. Why it hurts, or by what method do the microwave make you feel pain are beyond me but I wonder if your insides are melting or something. They plan on using this for riot control.

I wonder if this "ray" will be visible, and once more countries have it if the good guys will have blue and the bad guys red like in G.I. Joe. Just click here to get more info.

People say the Patriot Act is bad, but thanks to that legislature we now have this death ray. For more information on the crazy sci fi type shit that is going down in military research just go to DARPA's web page. Just imagine what they aren't letting everyone know.

So if you are in Iraq stay away from riots, especially if you are wearing glasses. They might make your eyes explode.

More on the way. I swear I've got Blogging Fever.

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