lunes, noviembre 7
Television Armageddon
In Roman times there were the gladiators in the coliseum. During the renaissance crowds gathered around pits to watch beasts fight or maybe even beast vs. human. Still to this day this form of high brow entertainment exists in the form of cocks or dogs fighting for money they'll never see. That right there has a lot in common with a Don King promoted boxing match but I'll stay away from lumping boxing into this group. It seems to me that when one large group of people push towards a more sophisticated form of entertainment another swoops in and gives all of those who'd rather not push forward something to indulge in. Even Shakespeare with all his mind numbing verbiage and stimulating pentameter he still had to deal with pit fighting next door. The bestial competition even received promotion from the queen. The Roman times seem to be the exception since everyone found death to be great form of entertainment; it just had varying degrees vulgarity. Perhaps this is why the Dark Age followed its demise.
What is today’s form of sophisticated entertainment? There probably isn’t just one form of it. Most likely it is an entire landscape that includes many of its past forms, whether it is painting, sculpting, stage acting, or even at the lower end of the spectrum- blogging. Please don’t be confused and assume that interpretive dance should be lumped together with those aforementioned activities. So variety may be the most sophisticated form of entertainment these days.
On the opposite side of the spectrum it is much clearer. Like I mentioned already animal fights
still exist but they are not a form of mass entertainment they function more as a way to weed out the bad people from society and to get them all in the same room. What sticks out as the most vulgar form of entertainment today is not Howard Stern or old Sam Kinison tapes but instead it is the Sunday movies brought to us by CBS.
It makes sense that at the time when people watch a wider
variety of programming and no station or network can compare its ratings to those of the old days that CBS would be America’s most watched network. I’m not sure if that means it gets the highest ratings since there seems to be some doublespeak in there. Either way it is obvious why the masses are flocking to CBS above any other channel- the vulgarity. Don’t get me wrong there is little sex or foul language on CBS as the FCC has made sure of that. Yet what do we always trade in sex and foul language for at the decency bureau? Violence!
When it comes to violence CBS seems to be taken care of you on Sundays. For three straight weeks now America has had to endure the three worst made for TV movies ever. That’s right, each week; CBS ups the ante and gives us a new number 1. Here they are in reverse chronological and worst ever order:
Category 7
Vampire Bats
Walker, Texas Ranger: Trial By Fire
By only looking at who the headlining star of each these movies it is evident what level of quality
the storytellers at CBS set out for from the start. Almost everyone knows Walker, Texas Ranger is none other than Chuck Norris. Great guy, but don’t get me wrong when I say you know exactly what you’re getting when he’s the main star- crap story and roundhouse kicks. Vampire Bats’ main star was none other than Lucy Lawless who most people don’t know outside of her portrayal of Xena, Warrior Princess. It is amazing to me that someone hasn’t scripted her and former WWE wrestler Chyna in a movie about crime fighting sisters yet. Lastly we have Gina Gershon at the helm of Category 7. So as to drive the steak of bad television further into the heart of America James Brolin and Shannon Doherty were cast in supporting roles.
If we are in television armageddon than Gina, Chuck, and Lucy are three of the four hoursemen. (Famine, War, and Plague repsctively)
Still just having those people in your movie doesn’t make it a terrible movie as always it comes
down to the storytelling. I already mentioned what you get from Walker, Texas Ranger, where some bad guys in cowboy hats commit some crime and Chuck Norris shows up to do some roundhouse kicks and break some chairs over the heads of criminals.
Do I need to explain Vampire Bats? OK, there’s people who have blood and bats that want it. Instead of filing some papers with the Red Cross the bats choose to cut out the middle man and use their teeth as a way to get to that sweet human nectar. Maybe if bats had a more organized form of self governing or opposable thumbs they would have gone the Red Cross route. Blind or not Lucy Lawless wasn’t about to take the time to explain when she’s so damn good at kicking ass, mythical beast or not.
Category 7. What category? Oh you mean Hurricanes! Of course how could I forget, wasn’t there a whole city somewhere wiped away by one not too long ago? Good thing you mad a movie about it before I forgot everything I learned about Hurricanes as people died and lost their homes. Talk about striking when the iron is hot. A hurricane destroys the world, folks. That’s it. I just saved you 3 hours. You have to assume they were half assing it by choosing a weather pattern to destroy earth. At least Godzilla had some personality.
I guess just take this as a warning to not “flip through” and watch w/e if playing on CBS on Sunday nights. Definitely don’t go to work the next day bragging to your friends (soon to be former friends) about how great the movie you saw on CBS last night was. Please take my advice. It will probably shave 9 months off of your promotion if you stay away from that type of conversation. No need to thank me.
Can I just turn on Category 7 and put it on mute so I can just watch Gina Gershon? I used to do that with Shania Twain videos.
I would figure that would fine as long as tivo'd/edited her scenes out so that you would think the movie was only about Gina's hair being blown around. That would only mean you're obsessed and not that you have bad tatse.
I also feel more tolerable of it b/c you said you "used to" do that with Shania.
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What is today’s form of sophisticated entertainment? There probably isn’t just one form of it. Most likely it is an entire landscape that includes many of its past forms, whether it is painting, sculpting, stage acting, or even at the lower end of the spectrum- blogging. Please don’t be confused and assume that interpretive dance should be lumped together with those aforementioned activities. So variety may be the most sophisticated form of entertainment these days.On the opposite side of the spectrum it is much clearer. Like I mentioned already animal fights
still exist but they are not a form of mass entertainment they function more as a way to weed out the bad people from society and to get them all in the same room. What sticks out as the most vulgar form of entertainment today is not Howard Stern or old Sam Kinison tapes but instead it is the Sunday movies brought to us by CBS.It makes sense that at the time when people watch a wider
variety of programming and no station or network can compare its ratings to those of the old days that CBS would be America’s most watched network. I’m not sure if that means it gets the highest ratings since there seems to be some doublespeak in there. Either way it is obvious why the masses are flocking to CBS above any other channel- the vulgarity. Don’t get me wrong there is little sex or foul language on CBS as the FCC has made sure of that. Yet what do we always trade in sex and foul language for at the decency bureau? Violence!When it comes to violence CBS seems to be taken care of you on Sundays. For three straight weeks now America has had to endure the three worst made for TV movies ever. That’s right, each week; CBS ups the ante and gives us a new number 1. Here they are in reverse chronological and worst ever order:
Category 7
Vampire Bats
Walker, Texas Ranger: Trial By Fire
By only looking at who the headlining star of each these movies it is evident what level of quality
the storytellers at CBS set out for from the start. Almost everyone knows Walker, Texas Ranger is none other than Chuck Norris. Great guy, but don’t get me wrong when I say you know exactly what you’re getting when he’s the main star- crap story and roundhouse kicks. Vampire Bats’ main star was none other than Lucy Lawless who most people don’t know outside of her portrayal of Xena, Warrior Princess. It is amazing to me that someone hasn’t scripted her and former WWE wrestler Chyna in a movie about crime fighting sisters yet. Lastly we have Gina Gershon at the helm of Category 7. So as to drive the steak of bad television further into the heart of America James Brolin and Shannon Doherty were cast in supporting roles.If we are in television armageddon than Gina, Chuck, and Lucy are three of the four hoursemen. (Famine, War, and Plague repsctively)
Still just having those people in your movie doesn’t make it a terrible movie as always it comes
down to the storytelling. I already mentioned what you get from Walker, Texas Ranger, where some bad guys in cowboy hats commit some crime and Chuck Norris shows up to do some roundhouse kicks and break some chairs over the heads of criminals.Do I need to explain Vampire Bats? OK, there’s people who have blood and bats that want it. Instead of filing some papers with the Red Cross the bats choose to cut out the middle man and use their teeth as a way to get to that sweet human nectar. Maybe if bats had a more organized form of self governing or opposable thumbs they would have gone the Red Cross route. Blind or not Lucy Lawless wasn’t about to take the time to explain when she’s so damn good at kicking ass, mythical beast or not.
Category 7. What category? Oh you mean Hurricanes! Of course how could I forget, wasn’t there a whole city somewhere wiped away by one not too long ago? Good thing you mad a movie about it before I forgot everything I learned about Hurricanes as people died and lost their homes. Talk about striking when the iron is hot. A hurricane destroys the world, folks. That’s it. I just saved you 3 hours. You have to assume they were half assing it by choosing a weather pattern to destroy earth. At least Godzilla had some personality.
I guess just take this as a warning to not “flip through” and watch w/e if playing on CBS on Sunday nights. Definitely don’t go to work the next day bragging to your friends (soon to be former friends) about how great the movie you saw on CBS last night was. Please take my advice. It will probably shave 9 months off of your promotion if you stay away from that type of conversation. No need to thank me.
Can I just turn on Category 7 and put it on mute so I can just watch Gina Gershon? I used to do that with Shania Twain videos.
I would figure that would fine as long as tivo'd/edited her scenes out so that you would think the movie was only about Gina's hair being blown around. That would only mean you're obsessed and not that you have bad tatse.
I also feel more tolerable of it b/c you said you "used to" do that with Shania.
Publicar un comentario