martes, septiembre 27
Smells Like Fish Bacon
I don’t really spend enough time talking about animals. Anyone who knows me knows that I love animals more than money, which is funny b/c I once said the worst thing I would ever do for money is chop up a bunch of live puppies. Maybe I don’t love animals with all of my heart but in most instances I will consider taking an animal over money. But I want to make clear that the larger the sum of money the more exotic the animal must be. I’ve provided a table that better demonstrates my currency for animal conversion. Here it is:
Dollar Amount - Animal
$10 - Russian Dwarf Hamster
$50 - Ferret
$100 - Iguana
$250 - Zebra
$400 - Boxer (dog)
$750 - Grizzly
$10,000 - Giraffe
$50,000 - Two Headed Ape (any kind)
$500,000 - Chupacabra
$1,000,000 - Dinosaur (alive)
After that point I can assure you that I am taking the money. Some people have asked me “What about an alien?” My answer to that is that I would be wary of any alien someone is willing to give away but would accept the alien just b/c I would rather not offend the alien by implying money is more important than it. I would also hope to be in the good graces of the alien’s planet by accepting it over a given amount of cash.
Something else I have been asked in regards to my “Money for Animals” conversion table is “Where are the cats?” This is a sore subject since I have a cat and do not establish an amount I would be willing to accept for him. Well, other than out of pure pity, there’s no way I would accept a cat. I only have cat in order to feel like I am doing the world a favor. The fact that my cat is actually cool and half Japanese only makes me like him more, but I’m not naïve I know he’s unlike other cats. For the most pert you would have to pay me to take a cat off of your hands.
Somewhere along the way I almost lost track of what I wanted to talk about today. I was perusing the news to find something to talk about when I came upon an article that was tremendously revealing. The article describes how Giant Squids have a more
complicated sex life than humans. Now, I have to admit, that I have been a fan of Giant Squids for a long time. Ever since Capt. Nemo found himself in the grips of peril while simultaneously in the grips of a giant squid I have been wondering, “how big can squids get?” What I never wondered about was how those squids went about making babies.
Apparently it is extremely complicated. The male injects his sperm into the female’s arms. How this works is anyone’s guess really b/c no one has witnessed squids in the act of magic making. The female, it seems, doesn’t like this “junkie” way of love-making and will not hesitate using her “chomping-beak” on her pusher-man/potential mate. What has been discovered is that squids posses an extraordinarily large penis (which you expect from an animal with the word “giant” in its name) that works like a fire engine hose is controlled as easily (picture what would happen in cartoons when a fire hose was turned on). More and more giant squids are being found dead on the shore inseminated with another squid’s sperm.
The mystery surrounding this is extremely perplexing. Are squids turning homosexual? Is it the poor lighting at the bottom of the ocean that can be blamed for Mr. Giant Squid not realizing he brought a man home? Are the larger females just showing the males where they can go stick their fire hoses? Are Spanish giant squids just more likely to be homosexual?
The answers to most of these seem almost impossible to find but it does seem the stress of having sex is very high for squids. Maybe that’s why the Nautilus was attacked; the squid was just trying to deliver its sperm packages.
Have a great day; I’m off to find more nonsense.
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Dollar Amount - Animal
$10 - Russian Dwarf Hamster
$50 - Ferret
$100 - Iguana
$250 - Zebra
$400 - Boxer (dog)
$750 - Grizzly
$10,000 - Giraffe
$50,000 - Two Headed Ape (any kind)
$500,000 - Chupacabra
$1,000,000 - Dinosaur (alive)
After that point I can assure you that I am taking the money. Some people have asked me “What about an alien?” My answer to that is that I would be wary of any alien someone is willing to give away but would accept the alien just b/c I would rather not offend the alien by implying money is more important than it. I would also hope to be in the good graces of the alien’s planet by accepting it over a given amount of cash.
Something else I have been asked in regards to my “Money for Animals” conversion table is “Where are the cats?” This is a sore subject since I have a cat and do not establish an amount I would be willing to accept for him. Well, other than out of pure pity, there’s no way I would accept a cat. I only have cat in order to feel like I am doing the world a favor. The fact that my cat is actually cool and half Japanese only makes me like him more, but I’m not naïve I know he’s unlike other cats. For the most pert you would have to pay me to take a cat off of your hands.
Somewhere along the way I almost lost track of what I wanted to talk about today. I was perusing the news to find something to talk about when I came upon an article that was tremendously revealing. The article describes how Giant Squids have a more
complicated sex life than humans. Now, I have to admit, that I have been a fan of Giant Squids for a long time. Ever since Capt. Nemo found himself in the grips of peril while simultaneously in the grips of a giant squid I have been wondering, “how big can squids get?” What I never wondered about was how those squids went about making babies.Apparently it is extremely complicated. The male injects his sperm into the female’s arms. How this works is anyone’s guess really b/c no one has witnessed squids in the act of magic making. The female, it seems, doesn’t like this “junkie” way of love-making and will not hesitate using her “chomping-beak” on her pusher-man/potential mate. What has been discovered is that squids posses an extraordinarily large penis (which you expect from an animal with the word “giant” in its name) that works like a fire engine hose is controlled as easily (picture what would happen in cartoons when a fire hose was turned on). More and more giant squids are being found dead on the shore inseminated with another squid’s sperm.
The mystery surrounding this is extremely perplexing. Are squids turning homosexual? Is it the poor lighting at the bottom of the ocean that can be blamed for Mr. Giant Squid not realizing he brought a man home? Are the larger females just showing the males where they can go stick their fire hoses? Are Spanish giant squids just more likely to be homosexual?
The answers to most of these seem almost impossible to find but it does seem the stress of having sex is very high for squids. Maybe that’s why the Nautilus was attacked; the squid was just trying to deliver its sperm packages.
Have a great day; I’m off to find more nonsense.
Publicar un comentario