jueves, mayo 26
Toss it around
An article came out today in the British news magazine (read: tabloid) "The Sun Newspaper" detailing the superiority of children raised on nuclear wastelands. Studies have found that the children that were raised in Chernobyl, the site of the world's only major nuclear meltdown, perform better than normal children in IQ and physical tests. Some of you may just say this is a typical "shit" story that always appears in tabloids. Let me just say that other news organizations are already picking up on this story as you read. I am not trying to arouse mass hysteria but I think everyone should be aware that some Super-Russians are beginning to reach the prime of their development.
Another appealing avenue (ahhhh! alliteration attack!) to take from these findings is to start conceiving and raising kids on nuclear wastelands. Two immediate benefits would be the heightened immune system (less money on healthcare) of the children and the extra time and space everyone else would have.
Sure some would miss out on the cuteness factor and all that gosh darn adorability but there will be just as many entrepreneurs seeking to profit from this that I am sure some type of Baby Land theme park would be created. Perhaps even multiple ones so that you wouldn't have to drive far, but let's not go nuts here b/c we don't want it to become like another Six Flags.
Everyone would have so much time and wouldn't have to worry about babies always being in the way. Women wouldn't have to worry about hiding their children from unsuspecting bachelors and conversely men wouldn't have to hear anymore of that single mom crap that's always used as a crutch.
We wouldn't have to spend so much time on scientific research; these super babies' brains will be bulging out their ears reaching out to solve any obstacle the laws of science has put in our way. Warp speed here we come!
Of course we would need to watch these super babied closely b/c we don't want them taking over. This would then add to the benefits b/c of all the jobs that would be created to supervise the babies. In my opinion any able-bodied adult is capable of taking on 4 - 6 babies by themselves. As long as things are kept in that ratio we should be fine, unless the babies come up with some death ray, but obviously we'd have to make sure that anything they build is constructed using these supplies only:
Play-Doh
Macaroni
Popsicle Sticks
Elmer's Glue
Cotton Balls
As long as its kept to that I think they should remain defenseless, but I'm no nuke-baby so we'll need to make sure about that one. Perhaps kung-fu training for the guards would help.
So yeah, it worked for the Russians and I think we need to hurry the hell up in this country and start getting laws passed and baby drop off stations built. We don't want to fall behind in this regard.
Write your congressman or woman and tell them: NUKE MY BABIES!
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Another appealing avenue (ahhhh! alliteration attack!) to take from these findings is to start conceiving and raising kids on nuclear wastelands. Two immediate benefits would be the heightened immune system (less money on healthcare) of the children and the extra time and space everyone else would have.
Sure some would miss out on the cuteness factor and all that gosh darn adorability but there will be just as many entrepreneurs seeking to profit from this that I am sure some type of Baby Land theme park would be created. Perhaps even multiple ones so that you wouldn't have to drive far, but let's not go nuts here b/c we don't want it to become like another Six Flags.
Everyone would have so much time and wouldn't have to worry about babies always being in the way. Women wouldn't have to worry about hiding their children from unsuspecting bachelors and conversely men wouldn't have to hear anymore of that single mom crap that's always used as a crutch.
We wouldn't have to spend so much time on scientific research; these super babies' brains will be bulging out their ears reaching out to solve any obstacle the laws of science has put in our way. Warp speed here we come!
Of course we would need to watch these super babied closely b/c we don't want them taking over. This would then add to the benefits b/c of all the jobs that would be created to supervise the babies. In my opinion any able-bodied adult is capable of taking on 4 - 6 babies by themselves. As long as things are kept in that ratio we should be fine, unless the babies come up with some death ray, but obviously we'd have to make sure that anything they build is constructed using these supplies only:
Play-Doh
Macaroni
Popsicle Sticks
Elmer's Glue
Cotton Balls
As long as its kept to that I think they should remain defenseless, but I'm no nuke-baby so we'll need to make sure about that one. Perhaps kung-fu training for the guards would help.
So yeah, it worked for the Russians and I think we need to hurry the hell up in this country and start getting laws passed and baby drop off stations built. We don't want to fall behind in this regard.
Write your congressman or woman and tell them: NUKE MY BABIES!
Publicar un comentario