viernes, mayo 20
General Tso's Homecoming
In a serious blow to the profession I have attempted to enter the FAA has ruled that "space billboards" are illegal. In case you are wondering, no they do not have spaceships or intergalactic missiles to bring a "space billboard" down but you will receive a hefty fine. I am not making this up.
Last night, or this morning, somewhere in that void as I was on my way to my friends house I encountered a misplaced item. A light post was laying flat across the street. While I was wondering why the guy in front of me was braking suddenly, and reversing I almost missed what I was running over. A huge ass steel light post in the middle of the street. I'm sure if I read what I just wrote I'd think I was drunk off my ass on the drive home.
Since this post has a channel 7 NewsPartyStationPlex feel to it already I am going to report one more bit of news. I am going to refer to the incident that Jim Defede, of the Miami Herald, wrote about a couple days ago. Most people might remember Jim Defede from his compelling coverage of the Virgin Mary Grilled Cheese Sandwich. What amazes me is that how someone that is as big as he is (physically) would not eat that grilled cheese, especially on a road trip, and especially with a woman depicted on it, but take from that what you want.
Anyways I'm going off on a tangent like Mr. Kingman, but don't worry I won't be able to tie together how his brother being killed in an army helicopter crash proves that Jesus can save your soul.
So what I want to talk about is how Lazaro Collazo or Lazer, as he is known in Miami, pulled down his pants to show his meat and potatoes to the high school baseball team he coaches. Lazer used to be an acclaimed coach of the University of Miami, I think he was the pitching coach. He was fired in a pretty ugly way and now coaches baseball at one of South Florida's most expensive private schools.
His point in pulling down his pants was to prove that he had balls and that his players had to make sure they too had balls, or what psychologists are calling these days- testicular fortitude. Mind you most of these boys are only now coming to terms with the fact that their balls have dropped and that they do not need to be checked on a constant basis. Obviously Lazer understands that asking someone if they have balls or cojones is a tried and true motivational tool. The sad thing is this type of questioning becomes oh too common in a boy's life by the age of, say, 11 (ironic, eh?).
Lazer was smart enough to understand that the only thing keeping these boys from reaching their full potential was some legal restriction that disallows using one's own penis as a visual tool in public. Progressive as America is it is now understood that laws that keep penises in pants are outdated and archaic, they don't make any sense for today's America. This is why there is no legal action being sought against this man. Everyone, even the head master of the school, which costs over 20 grand a year in tuition, (and a little more if you don't want your child in any classes with OJ Simspson's kids) has no problem with what happened and has defended the cutting edge motivational technique being employed. I don't know if the technique proved effective, but either way would you want to have a lasting memory of some old Cuban man's ball sack for the rest of your life.
Chris: Hey, Alex remember that time we lost the baseball game and Coach showed us his balls?
Alex: Yeah, of course I never forget a nut sack. Man, high school was great.
Lesson learned: If you want to ask someone if they have balls, make sure you show them what you mean so there is no misunderstanding.
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Last night, or this morning, somewhere in that void as I was on my way to my friends house I encountered a misplaced item. A light post was laying flat across the street. While I was wondering why the guy in front of me was braking suddenly, and reversing I almost missed what I was running over. A huge ass steel light post in the middle of the street. I'm sure if I read what I just wrote I'd think I was drunk off my ass on the drive home.
Since this post has a channel 7 NewsPartyStationPlex feel to it already I am going to report one more bit of news. I am going to refer to the incident that Jim Defede, of the Miami Herald, wrote about a couple days ago. Most people might remember Jim Defede from his compelling coverage of the Virgin Mary Grilled Cheese Sandwich. What amazes me is that how someone that is as big as he is (physically) would not eat that grilled cheese, especially on a road trip, and especially with a woman depicted on it, but take from that what you want.
Anyways I'm going off on a tangent like Mr. Kingman, but don't worry I won't be able to tie together how his brother being killed in an army helicopter crash proves that Jesus can save your soul.
So what I want to talk about is how Lazaro Collazo or Lazer, as he is known in Miami, pulled down his pants to show his meat and potatoes to the high school baseball team he coaches. Lazer used to be an acclaimed coach of the University of Miami, I think he was the pitching coach. He was fired in a pretty ugly way and now coaches baseball at one of South Florida's most expensive private schools.
His point in pulling down his pants was to prove that he had balls and that his players had to make sure they too had balls, or what psychologists are calling these days- testicular fortitude. Mind you most of these boys are only now coming to terms with the fact that their balls have dropped and that they do not need to be checked on a constant basis. Obviously Lazer understands that asking someone if they have balls or cojones is a tried and true motivational tool. The sad thing is this type of questioning becomes oh too common in a boy's life by the age of, say, 11 (ironic, eh?).
Lazer was smart enough to understand that the only thing keeping these boys from reaching their full potential was some legal restriction that disallows using one's own penis as a visual tool in public. Progressive as America is it is now understood that laws that keep penises in pants are outdated and archaic, they don't make any sense for today's America. This is why there is no legal action being sought against this man. Everyone, even the head master of the school, which costs over 20 grand a year in tuition, (and a little more if you don't want your child in any classes with OJ Simspson's kids) has no problem with what happened and has defended the cutting edge motivational technique being employed. I don't know if the technique proved effective, but either way would you want to have a lasting memory of some old Cuban man's ball sack for the rest of your life.
Chris: Hey, Alex remember that time we lost the baseball game and Coach showed us his balls?
Alex: Yeah, of course I never forget a nut sack. Man, high school was great.
Lesson learned: If you want to ask someone if they have balls, make sure you show them what you mean so there is no misunderstanding.
Enjoy the weekend. I'm out like Livan. I love you Miami.
Publicar un comentario