jueves, abril 28

I'm into whistling

Fact: Today was the last day of classes for Michael Lorenzo's undergraduate university career.
Fact: Today is Thursday
Conclusion: Its a celebration, bitches!

I have taken IQ tests before just as I'm sure most people have done. The level I score has always been within the same 3-5 point range. The reason I bring this up is b/c the level is usually described as "appear as a genius to others," "near-genius," and "gives the impression of being of genius level."

I am not saying this to brag or say hey look at me I'm smarter than you Mr. Fancypants. I wanted to talk about this b/c I think this is the root of any self-esteem problems I have. From the get go I know that I am not as smart as people think I am. Constantly being cognizant of the fact that you are not going to be able to meet the expectations of others would be traumatizing to most I would guess. How can I not be modest. I should wear a disclaimer that says: "Dumber Than You'll Think" but that's probably irregular grammar. I ask for your pity as I will forever be an idiot genius.

Sorry to go on for so long but I needed to vent my humoungous brain.

I want to know who got rednecks into "pickling" or "pickle-izing." Any gas station that you go to from Ocala to Baltimore will sell pickled eggs, pickled pig's feet, pickled turkey jerky, pickled mars bars, pickled pickles, and pickled NASCAR hats. Thankfully my friends that read this are some of the few people in Miami who have been past Kissimme and know what I am talking about. It is perplexing to me, and honestly it keeps me up at night thinking about the Native Americans and if they ever pickled. As far as I can guess its an Anglo thing.

What a weird way of coming up with food. If you think of how the first "pickling" happened you'd have to think it originates with rednecks.

Someone put a bunch of food in a jar, for the purpose of this story we'll say it was seed of lambs in the jar, that had water in it and forgot about it. Weeks later they passed by it and said "might as well eat w/e is in this jar before someone else does." That's right not before it goes bad b/c if that mentality was present no one would have ever stuck their hand in the 3-month old cucumber soup and find out they had just struck gold in the form of phallic veggies.

Ok I am done. I went on too long about pickles. I hate pickles.

Let me know if you like the staccato tone I took in this blog. I know many of you are not fond of my usually legato style.


martes, abril 26

Challah Back

If the title has left you wondering if you are up to date with the latest slang click on the following link: http://www.foodsubs.com/Bread.html
Go to the fifth bread that's has a picture.

Yesterday a friend of mine, who I won't name for legal purposes, and yours truly connected on a creative idea that has the potential to turn each of us into multi-millionaires. Obviously you'd want to know what the fuck the idea is that I am referring to. We both noticed an incredible void in the food service industry and have chosen to capitalize on it. Maybe its just that Passover season that's got me in a crazy Jewish mood but I think I have found my true calling, which is being considered the co-creator of Chllah Pocket Sandwiches.

I"m hoping someone who reads this puts together the fact that I am graduating together with my fondness for partying. Who knows there might be some fun to reap from the four years of tremendous hardship (you can start scoffing........wait......now).

Steve Miller is coming to South Florida to perform and I don't know where I stand on actually going. Part of me expects it to be fun just b/c he has so many upbeat catchy songs, but on the other hand I usually do not enjoy sharing the same venues as old farts. If you want further insight on how I feel about old people and trying to have a good time you should refer to my previous blog from January titled "Hedonistic Octagon", http://viewfrommichael.blogspot.com/2005/01/hedonistic-octagon.html, its a classic, even the comments are good.

I think now is the best time to make a rule where I refuse to make any critical comments about anyone I know. I'm going to stick to talking about people I don't know personally that way no one will assume that I have any idea of what I talk about or am capable of making an educated assessment. If I've been offensive to anyone I consider a friend (i.e. James) please realize any intelligence I display in conversation is only a facade and any judgments made on my part are consistently wrong. Basically, what I am saying is that my thoughts can only be insightful or irreverent if someone else thinks so, to me its is all a bodily function.

If anyone knows of anymore faults/flaws that I have please let me know I think I have some space left on my sleeve I can wear them on. Thanks to the helpful intervention I experienced (yet remember not a moment of) I will soon be entering asshole rehab in a discreet location somewhere in West Virginia, wish me luck.

Quote of the day: Civilization is the process of setting man free from men

domingo, abril 24

Rampart - a large wall built round a town, castle, etc. to protect it

I got to play real estate agent today and showed my sister's apartment to this couple from New York City; not El Paso, Texas. I really don't understand what a real estate agent could do when showing a house/apartment that would sway a potential buyer one way or the other. All that can be done is to make sure everything gets seen. If the person likes it is going to depend way too much on things that are out of anyone else's control. I guess what I am saying is that outside of advertising a property and contract dealings real estate agents have an easy job. Its more likely that I have no idea what I am talking about.

Did anyone celebrate 'earth day', or whatever it is called, this past Friday? I'm not even sure what day it was, or how one would go about celebrating it. If google hadn't made a funky looking logo for the day I would have never remembered there was an 'earth day'. That's another one of those holidays with an agenda. I'm sure there is some certain percentage increase in tree planting thanks to that crock of shit holiday. I didn't get any earth day gifts. I didn't give any but I would have appreciated receiving something to commemorate the existence of an earth. Is the word "earth" never capitalized? I'm sure spell check will something. It didn't apparently we think its ok to not capitalize the word 'earth' yet we have a holiday for it. These are some mixed message we are sending the rest of the universe.

In a move to improve global confidence I declare the word 'earth' shall now be considered grammatically correct only if spelled EARTH.

I think my work here is done. World, you are welcome for all I have done to make things better for everyone.

Next time on View from Michael:
McDonald's can now predict your order as soon as you are born! (They only ask to be nice)

viernes, abril 22

Numb tongue Deluge

I was going to start writing about losing the taste for certain things but in the middle of contemplating what to write and actually starting it I ran into the problem that what I've lost the taste for mostly is the presence of a negative attitude. I don't want this to be about gloom and doom. I need to fight off the effects of not being able to get as much sleep as I would like. The way I see it I'm still trying to make up for February.

These days I find that I am listening to more Dutch radio than ever. I think one of the main reasons I listen is b/c I don't understand what the DJ's are saying. It also helps me get in touch with my inner European.

I don't think many people read this, and more than 2 people would qualify as many for me, so I am going to start making outrageous claims on a regular basis. Today's outrageous claim: The new pope is a German Nazi spy who doesn't know they lost the war and will seek to unite the State of Islam with the other Axis powers.

Hopefully this will come up when someone "google's" "Nazi" and "pope."

My job with the marketing company is teaching me a boatload of things from engaging others in meetings to determining the market size for any given product. The thing that sticks out to me the most is what I learned in the presentation we gave to a client on Wednesday, and that was making others believe you are a lot better than you are. Those clients, as all other ones, have no idea that a big chunk of the work they are paying for is being done by a student, albeit one that is almost a graduate, but a student nonetheless. So far only one person has asked me how old I am and that guy was my same age. I guess he wanted me to know we were both fooling everyone. The last thing I want to do is make people think I am much older than I really am, believe me 22 is a fine age in my mind. What I do want to make people think is that I am much more experienced than I really am. But who knows how well I am doing I might be only fooling myself.

If men were allowed to wear boob tassels, and yes I hope there actually is someone enforcing that men not wear boob tassels, but if they did one of my co-workers would be a prime candidate to put them to good use with the amount of dancing he does. Not just that but the amount of "tittie shaking" that accompanies his dancing is astronomical, and I only see him at work. I can't imagine how crazy his boob-antics get on his own free time. Perhaps boob tassels are an undervalued comedic element. I'll start the research.

I had a body composition test done yesterday. I was using one of those scales that has the metal plates which measure your body fat using some electric current or some other jazz to tell me what my body fat was. It was saying 19% which I found to be a bit high. I didn't think I was that fat, and 19% body fat is officially fat for guys. The real test done at my school's fitness lab came out saying I really have 12% body fat.

Not really anything funny in this blog. If you want something to laugh at you can laugh at the idea of me thinking I'm not fat.

sábado, abril 16

As life gets longer awful feels softer

If it takes shit to make bliss then I feel pretty blissfully.

If there is one thing that this blog would be useful for is to see the evolution of my perception of my marketing job experience. I started it while I was an intern and now I have moved up to a part-time job. Sadly the next vertical move that could be made given the present corporate stucture would give me total control of the company.

I still enjoy the job, perhaps even more now than before. I feel increasingly confident in the things I need to do and the experiences are building a good foundation (at least I think so). I'm getting more responsibility with each additional day, hopefully I will start receiving compensation financially for this increase.

The thing that proves to me that I enjoy this job more than before is that I actually said positive things about it while I'm sitting in the office on a Saturday.

On the social side of my life I'm starting to the feel the effects of the Patrick Ewing Effect that I spoke about in a previous post long ago. I have a page on myspace.com, I guess you have to just type up my name to get to it. I will try to put a link here somewhere. The only real purpose of it is to get more people to read this.

I'm in between right now on whether it would be better to write a television show or a movie. A movie seems like a bigger deal but you can do so much more with TV. No wonder they say that television shows are a writer's medium, and I'm not claiming that I am a writer or that I know how to write even a line of dialogue for that matter. I'm just saying.

lunes, abril 11

I aint askin' for much. I said, Lord, take me downtown...

Why is every person only now coming out saying that Michael Jackson touched them in some place or other? My first thought is that the money he paid has run out. Like ZZ Top all he wanted was some tush, but at least Frank Beard and Billy Gibbons thought to go get it from hookers.

This topic brings up another idea. It would be fantastic if Americans were forced to fill out a survey that asked them to rank crimes in order from the most heinous to the most tolerated. Every man would have an additional question next to each crime- Would you allow your daughter marry someone who has committed _____? - and in the blank would be a crime. Call me crazy but I think it would be very interesting and helpful. There would no longer be any shame for crimes that everyone found acceptable. You wouldn't feel bad telling someone that you were involved in vehicular manslaughter, for example, b/c you knew they wouldn't hold it against you. So there you go no more worries about the person you killed b/c you had to change the CD playing on the radio before the next song kicked in.

Another helpful question would be for each person to fill out the number of years that must pass after committing each crime that you wouldn't hold it against them. A breakdown of the filled out surveys could even be made to show people what type of people have a higher propensity to sleep with an ex-con. I know for a fact there are many Americans who would use this kind of survey as a way to reestablish themselves in society.


I have such great ideas, I really do amaze myself. Hopefully one day I will have an idea that tops my dad's solution to soccer games that end in a draw- MULTIBALL OVERTIME (he called it "dos pelotas").


Tell the ZZ boys I found some

domingo, abril 10

Where was I?

I've got a bad case of the Mondays. The problem is as far as I remember I got some relaxing time in this weekend. Moreover my nights were pretty subdued if not short. I didn't go anywhere Saturday night and Friday night I just chilled at a friends house. I even went to the beach twice and swam only once.

Either way I am tired, and I've realized that being a real estate agent is something I would never want to do. I thought my schedule was pretty jam packed as it could be with term projects' and papers' due date looming increasingly closer. Additionally I am way behind in my reading and I know it will come back to bite me in the ass.

There was a party on Saturday that I was going to go to but when my accompaniment found out the price to get in they didn't want to go. There were about 300 cars parked outside the house so I can't see that party lasting too far passed midnight but they might have had cops hired. ID's were even being checked at the door giving it a legitimate rip off feel.

So nothing eventful happened this weekend. I didn't meet anyone I didn't have a memorable experience, and overall nothing was learned. Maybe all the big things that were supposed to happen to me at the age of 21 have already occurred and things are just in limbo until 22 starts on Tuesday. It definitely feels like I am in a holding pattern.

If I can extract anything from this weekend is that I am going to have to, as my mother would say, "put in my batteries" and get myself moving if I am going to have anything happen to me.

Hostage is an entertaining movie in case anyone is interested in my opinion.

miércoles, abril 6

Missing

I prayed heaven today
would bring its hammer down on me
and pound you out of my head
I can't think with you in it

This could be the fourth resuscitation of my often ill fated blog. Prognosticators can look at my current lifestyle situation and conclude it as being highly conducive to heavy blogging due to my past history of blogging frequency. For further information on this topic see The Harvard Business Review article titled "Expression Outlets for Modern Intellectualists."

I am finding it difficult to make time to apply for a job this past week. My sister would read this and think of how it wasn't that difficult to find time to write this dumb passage and I could have applied instead of done this. True but I am at work and I feel more guilty getting paid to look for a job than getting paid to write w/e the hell pops into my head.

March is long gone but its impact is still sending shockwaves through all that is Michael. A superficial way this can be seen is by how my album collection has increased. A productive way this can be seen is by how I now work at a marketing company as an analyst and not at The University of Miami's Wellness Center as an office assistant. I wish the differences in pay reflected the difference in responsibilities. I could probably make more money if I were on welfare. I won't touch on any more changes that March brought on, but believe me as months go it was a killer.

As far as current events I am really out of the loop. I predicted the pope's death two weeks in advance but I don't think you needed to know much to see what I saw, which was un viejo cagilitroso. At least he can be in peace, I just wish he could've had some before dying. We had lost touch the past few years, but I know the pope as well as anybody to know that he was making the most of his last days.

In a related topic, I just got the new issue of FHM and Mariah Carey was on the cover. As anyone else would have done I checked the date of the issue but that only caused more surprise due to it being a new issue. I never thought I would describe Mariah as plain jane but that's the best compliment you can say about her cover shot, other than she's not noticeably fat, which is more of an insult on her past than a compliment.

I'd like to take this moment to ask when did being jolly not become a requirement for being fat. I remember in the 80's and early 90's the first character trait you would attach to the physical trait of being fat was jolly. I believe the word jolly used only 17% of the time outside of the context of describing a person of girth. That's it for now, I'll leave with some more copied poetry.

Something always takes the place of
missing pieces you can take and put
together even though
you know there's something missing

Powered for Blogger by Blogger Templates